


Between A Rock And A Hard Place

by TazzyJan



Category: A-Team (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:15:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazzyJan/pseuds/TazzyJan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murdock starts having "inappropriate" dreams about Maggie.  Hannibal ends up thinking something is going on between them causing Murdock to run.  Can the team find him and straighten everything out before he's lost forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Maggie was waiting outside when the van pulled up. She was more than excited. It had been months since she had last seen Hannibal and she missed him. When he called to ask her if she minded some company for a few days, she had jumped at the chance. They were on their way back from a mission and were taking the scenic route to avoid Decker. Since they were fairly close by, Hannibal decided to lay low at Maggie's for a few days. And he figured his men would be grateful for a few days rest as well.

No sooner had the van stopped, then Hannibal was out of it and holding Maggie in his arms. He hated to admit how much he missed her. As he held her in his arms, he brought his lips to hers. The taste of her mouth was almost too much for him. He wanted nothing more than to carry her inside and make love to her for hours. However, the sound of the others getting out of the van quickly drew him back to reality. With a sigh, he disengaged himself from Maggie's arms.

"I missed you," she said huskily, their passionate kiss affecting her, too.

"I missed you, too," Hannibal replied. He stood for a moment just looking in her eyes. He thought to himself that he could happily spend the rest of his life looking into those eyes. 

The sound of a ruckus behind him drew Hannibal's attention once again to the van. He turned around and watched B.A. grab Murdock around the throat. Just as he was about to lift the pilot off the ground, Hannibal cleared his throat. Growling, B.A. let go of Murdock.

"Hannibal, man, that crazy fool..." B.A. began. Hannibal held up a hand to silence him.

"Not now, Sergeant. Not now." Smiling, Hannibal took Maggie's hand and walked into the house. 

About twenty minutes later, after hiding the van and B.A. and Murdock having a water fight in which Face was the only one to get wet, the others finally made it inside. Hannibal and Maggie were sitting on the couch looking quite cozy. The three men smiled as they took in the sight of their Colonel looking so at peace. They were glad that they had stopped here, even if just for a few days. Hannibal needed a break as bad as they did.

By unspoken agreement, B.A. and Murdock decided to get along. They wanted Hannibal to enjoy himself and they knew he could not do that if they kept picking at each other. While Maggie and Hannibal sat on the couch, the rest of the team made themselves comfortable. Murdock was in the process of starting a fire in the fireplace when the phone rang. Sighing, Maggie picked it up. Hannibal watched as the blood drained from her face. He felt his insides twist as she listened on the phone. Without saying a word, she hung up the receiver and turned to Hannibal.

"That was Hank. Decker's on his way. You've got about five minutes before he gets here," her voice broke as she told him the news.

"Hannibal," B.A. spoke up, "we'll never make it, man. The van needs work. She took some pretty bad hits. There's no way we can out run him."

Nobody said a word. Hannibal quickly tried to figure out how to get them away before Decker showed up. It would not do for them to be found with both Maggie and Murdock. 

"I have an idea," Maggie said finally. "It's kind of risky, but it might work."

"What's your plan, Doc?" Hannibal asked, an amused twinkle shining in his eyes. This woman amazed him more every time he saw her.

"Well, I need you, Face, and B.A. to get hidden in the cellar. Murdock I need you to cover the trap door with the rug, then get undressed."

"Undressed?" Murdock asked nervously. All of a sudden, he did not think he was going to like this plan. Hannibal, too, looked at Maggie askance. 

"What exactly is your plan, Doc?" Hannibal asked.

"Murdock and I are going to make Decker believe we are having a lover's tryst. And there's no way we'd be doing what we're going to be doing in the living room with you guys all here," Maggie explained.

"And what exactly are you going to be doing?" Hannibal was liking this plan less and less.

"Look, Hannibal," Maggie said anxiously, "we don't have time for this right now. Either you trust me to do this or you don't. Decide." Hannibal hesitated for a moment, then kissed Maggie on the cheek and headed for the trap door that led to the cellar. 

"Uh...Maggie..." Murdock began, blushing slightly, "I don't have to get completely... um... naked... do I?"

"No, just down to your shorts is fine," Maggie replied as she, too, began to quickly get undressed. Once down to their underwear, the pair pulled the rug over the trap door and waited for Decker to arrive. A few moments later, several cars screeched to a halt. Both Maggie and Murdock jumped when Decker pounded on the door. Taking a deep breath, Murdock stood and walked to answer the door.

Decker was surprised to see Murdock answer the door, and even more surprised at the pilot's state of dress. He had not expected this. His hopes soared, thinking he might finally be able to connect Murdock with the rest of the team. He looked carefully at the man, noticing the slight flush to his face and how he kept the door positioned so Decker could not see into the house.

"Can I help you, Colonel?" Murdock asked, letting just a trace of annoyance show in his voice.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the VA, son?" Decker queried.

"I'm here with my doctor," Murdock replied. Just then, Maggie came up and wrapped her arms around Murdock. Murdock felt a jolt run through him as her hands touched his body.

"What's going on, HM?" She asked innocently.

"Colonel, you've met Dr. Sullivan, haven't you?" Murdock asked.

"Ma'am," Decker acknowledged, feeling himself blush at the scantily clad woman in front of him.

"Is there something you wanted, Colonel, cause if not..." Murdock trailed off and pulled Maggie closer to him.

"I'm looking for the A-Team." Decker stated bluntly.

"They're not here," Murdock answered, his face beginning to flush again as Maggie let her hands roam over his back.

"Mind if I look around for myself?" Decker asked. He doubted if the team were there, but he wanted to make sure.

"Go right ahead," Murdock replied and opened the door all the way. He pulled Maggie into a full embrace then and she pressed her body fully against his. Knowing Decker was still watching, she moved upwards and kissed Murdock lightly on the lips. As she slid the short way back down his body, she felt the unmistakable pressure of an erection pressing into her stomach. 

"Ahem..." Decker cleared his throat to get the lovebirds attention. 

"Satisfied?" Maggie asked as she brought her attention back to Decker.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you," Decker said contritely before turning to leave, closing the door behind him. Maggie and Murdock stayed by the door, listening as the cars pulled away. 

Murdock was breathing hard as he held Maggie in his arms. He did not know what to say. He knew Maggie had felt his erection, how could she not. Maggie pulled back slightly and looked at the man holding her. She could see the emotions warring inside of him. 

"Come on, Murdock," she said softly. "Let's get dressed."

"Yeah," Murdock said as he released her. "Dressed is good."

Murdock walked over to where he had discarded his clothes. With his back to Maggie, he got dressed as quickly as his shaking hands would allow. How could I do that, Murdock berated himself. She's the Colonel's woman! He was brought out of his self-degradation by Maggie's voice softly calling his name.

"Can we let them out now?" she asked when he turned toward her. He was relieved to see that she was once again fully dressed.

"Not yet. Just in case Decker decides to have another look around." He knelt down by the trap door and tapped 'one hour' in Morse code.

"What did you just do?" Maggie asked as Murdock stood up.

"Morse code. I told them one hour," he answered.

"Now what?"

"Now, we wait."

Maggie moved to sit by the fire, so Murdock decided to lean back and close his eyes for a few minutes. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep. Maggie smiled as she watched Murdock drifting off to sleep on the couch. She knew he was upset about what had happened earlier and wished she knew some way to reassure him.

As Murdock slept, he began to dream. He was relieved, at first, when he did not find himself in the jungles of Viet Nam. But, as Maggie's living room took shape around him, he suddenly found himself wishing for the other. After a moment, his eyes were drawn to a figure stretched out on the rug in front of the fireplace. It was Maggie. Murdock's heart skipped a beat as he took in the sight. She was clad in a black lace bra and matching panties, and nothing else.

Murdock felt himself grow hard as he watched her, spread out before him like an offering. Just as the dream Murdock became hard, so did the real one. He licked his lips as he watched her lying there. He absently brought his hand up to caress himself as the dream Maggie smiled and reached out to him.

"Maggie," Murdock whispered in his sleep. Maggie looked toward him at the sound of her name. She frowned when she saw he was dreaming. She knew Murdock's dreams were a curse to him at times. She blushed when she noticed the swelling in his pants. 

The sound of three rapid knocks on the trap door made Maggie yelp in surprise. Murdock came awake instantly. He noticed his rather prominent erection when he sat up. His embarrassment quickly turned to fear as the trap door swung open and Hannibal stepped out. Murdock quickly stood up, hoping to keep anyone else from noticing his arousal. 

The three men exited in a hurry. The fresh air felt wonderful after being in the dank cellar for over an hour. As Face closed the trap door behind them, Murdock excused himself. He muttered something about checking outside and fled the room. Maggie felt sorry for him. She knew that he had not done anything wrong, but she also knew what Hannibal's reaction would have been if he had noticed Murdock's state.

Murdock walked outside and was hit at once by the clean, crisp air. The cool breeze helped to relieve the swelling in his pants some, too. He admonished himself for dreaming of Maggie. He was just glad he had woken up when he did. He did not want to think about where that particular dream was going. Murdock walked around for a bit, just enjoying the peacefulness and getting himself back under control. When he felt that he was together enough to face Maggie and Hannibal, he walked back inside.

"All clear, Captain?" Hannibal asked.

"No sign of Decker, Colonel." Murdock replied.

Murdock was feeling like his old self when he and Face turned in for the night. B.A. had a room all to himself while he and Face shared one. Maggie had absolutely forbidden Murdock and B.A. to share a room. She liked her things in one piece, after all. 

Almost as soon as Murdock's head hit the pillow, he was dreaming. The dream played out the same as before, only this time, when Maggie held her arms out, Murdock moved into them. He whispered her name as he brought his lips to hers. The feel of her tongue, sent shivers running through him.

"Maggie," Face heard Murdock call out in his sleep. He had been drifting off when the sound of Murdock's voice caught his attention. Face frowned as he heard Murdock call out Maggie's name. Face's frown deepened as he looked at the sleeping Captain and noticed his erection. Face was very glad that he was sharing the room with Murdock and not Hannibal. He could just imagine Hannibal's reaction to all this. Sighing, Face rolled over to try and get some sleep.

Murdock cried out Maggie's name again and awoke with a start. He quickly turned to look at Face. He breathed a sign of relief that his friend had not awoken. Face lay on his side as still as possible. He had no desire to embarrass his friend and did not want Murdock to know he was awake. Three more times Face was awoken by Murdock calling out Maggie's name. Each time he remained silent. He did not know what to do. His concern was growing with each dream. Face did not know what would happen if the Colonel found out about all this. He just hoped it was a phase Murdock was going through and that it would pass before anyone else found out about it.

Four days later, Murdock was still having the dreams. If anything, they seemed to be getting worse. Every time he tried to sleep, he would awaken calling Maggie's name. And each dream went a little farther than the one before. In his last dream, Murdock was standing in the living room and Maggie was kneeling at his feet. He has woken up as her mouth closed around him.

Murdock did not know how much longer he could keep this a secret. He knew he had woken Face a couple of times, but so far, the other man had not said anything. What Murdock did not know was that Hannibal had already overheard him calling Maggie's name. The Colonel was not sure what to make of it so he decided to wait and see what developed. He could tell Murdock was not getting much sleep, or Face either, and he wondered just what the Captain was dreaming about.

That night, Murdock's dream found him in Maggie's living room once more. Maggie was again lying naked on the rug in front of the fireplace. Murdock glanced down and saw that he, too, was naked. Smiling, he walked toward her. Maggie held out her arms to him and he immediately moved into the offered embrace. He kissed her deeply and felt her rub herself against his body. Murdock broke the kiss then and lay Maggie back against the rug. Quickly, he moved on top of her and between her legs. Looking into her eyes, he thrust forward and buried himself inside her. Murdock awoke as he screamed Maggie's name. Face shot upright in bed and turned to face the pilot. He was speechless as he watched his friend cum on his own stomach calling Maggie's name.

Murdock closed his eyes. He knew Face was awake and that there was no getting out of what had just happened. Shame and fear raged within him, each fighting for dominance.

"You want to talk about it?" Face asked, concerned.

"I don't know what to do, Faceman. Every time I close my eyes, she's there," Murdock said, his voice desperate.

"Maybe you should talk to Maggie and the Colonel about it," Face suggested.

"NO! Oh, God, Face, please...please...don't tell Hannibal. He'll kill me," Murdock begged. Seeing how distraught Murdock was becoming, Face backed off.

"Okay, Murdock. Okay. I won't say anything to the Colonel. But I think you should talk to Maggie. She's a doctor, after all. Maybe she can help."

"Alright," Murdock hesitated. "Face, could YOU talk to her first?"

"Sure, Murdock. But when I'm done, you're going in and having a LONG talk with her. Now, come on. Let's at least try to get some sleep."

The next morning, Face, complaining of stomach cramps, got Maggie alone. He explained what had been going on with Murdock since Decker's appearance. Face ended with what had happened the night before and how Murdock had begged him not to tell Hannibal.

Maggie was stunned. She knew he had been affected by the entire episode with Decker, but she had no idea it had gotten this bad. She thanked Face for telling her, then walked him out of her office.

"Feeling better, Lieutenant?" Hannibal asked as Maggie and Face emerged.

"Ah, yes, sir," Face replied. He made a quick exit to search for Murdock. Face found him sitting on the porch, petting Billy.

"Did you tell her?" Murdock asked.

"Yeah," Face replied. "I told her not to say anything to Hannibal. She said okay."

"Thanks, Face." As the two men finished their conversation, Hannibal and B.A. walked out.

"You two ready to head into town?" Hannibal asked.

"Sure, Hannibal," Face replied as he walked over to the Colonel.

"Murdock?" Hannibal prompted.

"I think I'll stay here, Colonel. I'm not feeling too well," Murdock said truthfully.

"Alright, Captain," Hannibal replied. "You take it easy." Only after the van pulled away, did Murdock walk back inside. Maggie was waiting for him by the door.

"Come on," she said as she held out her hand. "Let's go talk."

"I don't know where to start," Murdock said as he took her hand and followed her into the office.

"Well, Face told me what's been happening. Why don't you tell me what's got you so upset about it."

"You're...you're Hannibal's woman. I have NO RIGHT to think of you...like that."

"Murdock, you can't control your dreams. No one can," Maggie said. She paused thoughtfully for a moment before continuing. "How long has it been since you've been with a woman, Captain?"

"A long time," Murdock replied, his cheeks turning pink.

"Well, I think that may have a lot to do with it." 

"You do?" 

"Yes, I do. I think you're frustrated and this is your subconscious' way of acting out to relieve those frustrations."

"So how do we get them to stop?" Murdock asked, hoping Maggie had an answer.

"We wait. If you want, I can give you something to help you sleep," Maggie offered.

"Thanks, doc," Murdock replied. He stood up to go then, relieved that Maggie had understood and not been angry with him.

"There are a couple more things," Maggie said as she stood up and walked over to the pilot.

"What's that?" Murdock asked.

"First, it might help if you tried to, um, relieve the situation, um, yourself, as much as possible," Maggie said as she tried not to blush. She may be a doctor, but Murdock was her friend.

"You mean...um..." Murdock stammered, his face reddening as well.

"Yes!" Maggie exclaimed. Both of them stopped for a moment, then looked at each other and burst out laughing. They did not hear the van pull up outside as they stood in Maggie's office and laughed. 

Hannibal had forgotten the list of supplies he had made out at the kitchen table. Not wanting to forget anything, he had B.A. go back to the house. The sound of laughter coming from Maggie's office made him stop. Curious, he crept toward the open door.

"What else, Maggie?" Murdock asked as his laughter subsided.

"Just this," Maggie said as she took Murdock into her arms. "And don't worry, Murdock. Hannibal won't find out anything from me."

Murdock wrapped his arms around Maggie and held her. He breathed in the scent of her hair and felt himself get hard. Hannibal chose that moment to make his presence known. He walked in front of the doorway and stared at Murdock. The look in his eyes as he looked at Murdock and Maggie made Murdock's blood run cold. He quickly pulled away from Maggie's embrace.

"Murdock, what's wrong?" Maggie asked, unaware of Hannibal's presence.

"Isn't this cozy?" Hannibal said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Maggie jumped at the sound of Hannibal's voice. She spun around and watched as Hannibal stalked out of the doorway. Quickly gathering her wits, she raced after him. Murdock stood frozen to the spot. His heart was pounding in his chest. All he could see was the look of hate coming from his friend's eyes.

"Hannibal, wait!" Maggie cried out. "It's not what you think!" Maggie tried to reason with Hannibal, but he refused to listen. He had seen it with his own eyes and it was tearing his heart out.

The sound of Maggie's desperate voice brought Murdock out of his stupor. He quickly ran to the other room where Maggie and Hannibal were. Hannibal was glaring at Maggie, refusing to listen to her. Murdock saw Maggie start to cry and felt his heart break.

"Come to seduce my woman some more, Captain?" Hannibal sneered.

"Please don't cry, Maggie," Murdock said as he moved to comfort her, ignoring Hannibal's comment.

"Don't you fucking touch her," Hannibal hissed. Murdock never saw the Colonel's fist until it connected with his face. He went down hard, blood running from his mouth. 

"Hannibal, NO!" Maggie screamed as she knelt down by Murdock. Hannibal looked down at the two, then turned and walked from the house, slamming the door behind him. A moment later, they heard the van squeal tires as pulled away from the house.

"I'm so sorry, Maggie," Murdock said. Maggie looked at the door Hannibal had just walked out of and began to cry again. Murdock pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried.

Murdock held Maggie as she cried in his arms. "It's okay, Maggie. He'll be back. He just needs to cool off a little bit."

"But...he thinks you and I are..." Maggie said through her tears.

"Maggie, come on now. You know how hotheaded Hannibal can be. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said. Besides, it's me he blames, not you." Maggie pulled back from Murdock then. She did not like what she had just heard.

"Murdock," she began.

"You heard him, Maggie. He said I seduced you, not the other way around." Murdock stood up then and helped Maggie to her feet. Together, they walked into the living room to wait.

An hour later, they heard the van pull up and then drive away. Maggie's heart sank when Face and B.A. walked through the door.

"Where's the Colonel?" Murdock asked.

"He's really pissed at you, man," B.A. said with a scowl. "Faceman tried to tell him 'bout the dreams, but he wouldn't listen."

"He just needs a little time is all," Face said, trying to sound reassuring. "Murdock, I know you didn't want me to say anything to Hannibal..."

"It's okay, Face. I know you were just trying to calm him down. How mad is he?"

"Real mad, fool! You messed with his woman. I know it ain't your fault, man. But the Colonel, he don't see it that way," B.A. said.

"I know," Murdock said miserably. He sat down heavily on the couch and buried his face in his hands. He did not see the look of worry that passed between Face and B.A. They knew he was blaming himself for everything that had happened and that he would continue to do so until Hannibal returned. They only hoped when the Colonel did return he was calm enough to listen.

The night passed slowly for the occupants of the house. It passed equally slowly for the lone occupant of the team's van. Hannibal kicked himself as he sat alone in the cold. He had acted like a first class jerk. He felt horrible that he made Maggie cry, and even worse about hitting Murdock. Hannibal made up his mind to apologize to Murdock when he returned. He thought about going back immediately, but it was already after midnight. Besides, he wanted to work on something for Maggie. His lack of trust in her had hurt her deeply. He wanted to do something to show her how much she meant to him. Taking out a pen and paper, he began to write.

Murdock awoke with a start. Even after Hannibal's departure, his dreams had not stopped. He felt guilty as he remembered the dream. Forcing those thoughts away, he looked at the clock. It was just past 2:30 in the morning. Murdock was surprised it was so late. He had expected the Colonel to have returned by now. Quietly, he got up and checked the house for any sign of Hannibal. His heart sank when he found none. Knowing what he had to do, Murdock walked into the kitchen. He wrote Maggie short note and left it on the table for her to find. Then he slipped out of the house, into the night.

Murdock walked directly to Hank's house. He needed to get as much distance between himself and Maggie as possible. Hank was the only person in Bad Rock he could think of to turn to. Murdock pounded on the door until he heard someone approach.

"This had better be good," Hank muttered as he opened the door. He was surprised to see one of Hannibal's men on his front porch.

"Sorry to wake you, Sheriff," Murdock said. "Can I come in?" Hank stepped back to allow the other man inside. He closed the door behind them and motioned for Murdock to follow him into the kitchen.

"What's going on, Murdock?" Hank asked as he started a pot of coffee.

"I need a lift out of town," Murdock stated flatly.

"At 2:45 in the morning? Why can't one of the guys take you?"

"They don't know I'm going. Look, Hank, I've got to get out of here."

"Murdock, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. What are you running away from?" 

"Hannibal," Murdock replied softly.

"Hannibal? He do that?" Hank asked, indicating the bruise on Murdock's face. Murdock only nodded. "Why?"

"I...I broke up him and Maggie. He thought I was fooling around with her. He hit me and took off. I need...I need to get out of here before he comes back. Please, Hank."

"All right, Murdock," Hank said. He never thought he would see the day when one of Hannibal's own men was afraid of him. "So what do I tell them when they come looking for you?"

"Nothing," Murdock said. "I mean, I'm not asking you to lie or anything, just don't volunteer any more information than you have to. Okay?"

"Okay. Finish your coffee while I get dressed, then we'll head out."

"Thanks, Sheriff," Murdock replied gratefully.

A short while later, Hank and Murdock were headed out of town. Murdock asked him if he could take him into the next town and Hank agreed. The sheriff did not like Murdock running away, but maybe it was for the best, for now anyway. If Hannibal was angry enough to hit the man, Murdock had no business being around him. Hannibal may be their leader, but in Hank's opinion, that did not give him the right to use his men as punching bags. And the next time he saw the Colonel, he was going to tell him so.

Murdock felt his heart breaking as they rode out of Bad Rock. He was walking away from the only family he had and it was killing him. But he had no choice. Maggie and Hannibal deserved to be happy together and he knew that as long as he was around, that would not happen. Murdock wished he could have said goodbye to them. He knew, though, that they would have never let him go. So he said his good-byes in his head as he rode out of town. Hank dropped Murdock off at an all night diner just inside the Cedar Junction city limits. The pilot smiled reassuringly at him before turning to walk inside. Hank seriously wondered if he would ever see the man again.

Maggie awoke the next morning and sadness washed over her as she realized Hannibal had not come back. Fighting back tears, she got up and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. She saw the note on the kitchen table and with shaking hands picked it up to read.

 

Maggie,

I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I'm really screwed  
up in the head and now I've screwed your life up   
because of it. I NEVER NEVER meant for that to   
happen. Hannibal thinks we betrayed him. He should  
know that you would never do something like that. I'm   
the only one who betrayed the Colonel. 

I'm leaving. Please don't try to find me. I've done too  
much damage to everyone as it is. Tell the Colonel I'm sorry.

HMM

P.S.: Tell Face to look after Billy for me. And tell B.A. to   
to look after the Faceman.

"Face!" Maggie called as she ran toward the room he shared with Murdock. Face came awake to the sound of his name. He bolted upright in bed as Maggie came running to the room.

"Maggie, what' wrong?" Face asked. She handed him the note Murdock had left. He felt the blood drain from his face as he read it. He looked up quickly as B.A. ran in to see what all the commotion was about. Face saw Maggie begin to sob and handed B.A. the note. He got up and gently guided her back into the living room. He sat down on the couch beside her and put his arms around the crying woman.

Hannibal left the van secreted and walked back to Maggie's. As he walked up the porch steps the sound of Maggie sobbing made him pause. He hesitated only a moment before continuing inside, ashamed that he had hurt someone he loved so much.

"He's left me, Face. Hannibal's left me and he's not coming back. And I love him so much! And now Murdock's out there alone somewhere..."

"Maggie," Hannibal called from the doorway. He had heard what she said to Face. Tears filled his eyes as he watched the love of his life in his Lieutenant's arms.

"Hannibal!" Maggie cried out. Face quickly moved away as Hannibal came forward to take his place.

"I'm sorry, Maggie. I'm sorry," Hannibal murmured over and over again as he held her. Maggie finally managed to get herself under control and pulled out of Hannibal's arms. She looked deeply into his eyes, searching. "Maggie..."

"I love you, Hannibal Smith," Maggie said. "You! Not Murdock or Hank or anybody else. Just you. With all of my heart."

"I was a fool, doc," Hannibal said. "You mean the world to me. I love you, Maggie Sullivan, and I'm sorry. I think I'm ready to listen now." Slowly Maggie explained to Hannibal what had happened. She began with Murdock's distress over his reactions when Decker was there. She went on to tell him about the dreams the pilot was suffering from, and finished by handing Hannibal the note Murdock had left.

"We have to find him," Hannibal said. 

"Uh, Hannibal," Face began haltingly. "Maybe it'd be a good idea if you stayed here while B.A. and I went to look for him."

"Yeah, man," B.A. put in. "Crazy fool may run if he sees you."

"Don't worry, Colonel. We'll find him and bring him back."

"All right, Lieutenant," Hannibal replied. "Just hurry up about it."

"Yes, sir," Face said as he and B.A. hurried out. They made their way to the van as quickly as possible. It was almost seven now and they had no idea how much of a head start Murdock had on them.

************************************

Two hours later, Face and B.A. returned to Maggie's. They had no luck in finding their wayward friend and were getting worried.

"Where is he?" Hannibal asked when they walked in.

"Man, Hannibal, we looked everywhere. That fool's gone!" B.A. exclaimed.

"There's no way he could have gotten that far on foot, Colonel," Face said. "Someone had to have given him a lift."

"Let's go have a talk with Hank," Hannibal said. "Maybe he can shed some light on Murdock's whereabouts."

"You really think Murdock would have gone to Hank?" Maggie asked.

"I don't know who else he would have gone to, Maggie. Not in the middle of the night," Hannibal replied.

Hank was in his office when the van pulled up outside. He had been expecting a visit ever since he had seen Face and B.A. driving around town. He briefly considered making himself scarce, but decided against it. He knew it would only delay the inevitable, and he had a few things he wanted to say to the Colonel.

Hank stood up when they entered his office. "What can I do for you, Colonel Smith?" he asked coolly.

"Murdock took off," Hannibal said, taking note of the sheriff's tone. "You know where we can find him?"

"Maybe," Hank replied, turning his back on Hannibal.

"Maybe," Face said, surprised. Hannibal signaled the Lieutenant to let him do the talking.

"You know, Smith," Hank continued, "I've seen you intimidate men before with y our fists. I just never thought I'd see you do it to one of your own."

"Look, sheriff..."Hannibal began, but he was cut off by Hank.

"No, you look. Just because you're their leader, doesn't mean you have the right to use one of your men as your own personal punching bag!" Hank turned to face Hannibal again. Hannibal could see the anger in the other man's eyes.

"It wasn't like that," Hannibal protested.

"Wasn't it? Then why did your man feel the need to get as much distance between him and you as possible? Why did he come to my house at three in the morning and practically beg me to get him out of town before you could get your hands on him again?" Hank realized he had started to raise his voice. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Hannibal and the others stared at the sheriff. They had remained silent during most of the conversation, letting Hannibal do the talking. Now, they were all too stunned to speak.

"Hank, please," Maggie said, recovering first. "Murdock's out there alone. We need to find him."

"He doesn't want to be found, Maggie," Hank said wearily as he sat down again.

"Please, Hank," Maggie implored.

"I dropped him at the all night diner just inside the Cedar Junction city limits," Hank said with a sigh, he hoped some day he would learn how to say no to Maggie. "But that was over six hours ago. He could be anywhere by now."

"Thank you," Maggie said as she hurried after the others.

"Let me know when you find him," Hank called after her. 

"Head back to Maggie's, B.A.," Hannibal said as they got in the van.

"What for, man?" B.A. growled.

"If...if Murdock really is...afraid...to come home, it might be better if I wasn't there when you find him," Hannibal explained. The thought that Murdock really was afraid of him made him want to be sick. He knew he had made some bad mistakes in his past, but it looked like this one might cost him one of his men. He did not know how he could live with that.

"We'll find him, Colonel," Face said reassuringly. He could see the pain Hannibal was in. "We'll find him and we'll bring him home."

Face and B.A. dropped the others off at Maggie's and took off in search of Murdock. They headed straight for Cedar Junction. Neither man voiced the fear they both felt. They knew that with a six hour head start Murdock really could be anywhere. And if he had gotten another ride, there was a chance they might never find him, if he did not want them to.

************************************

Maggie took Hannibal's hand and led him back inside the house. "Have a seat while I make us some coffee," she told him. Sighing, Hannibal sat down at the kitchen table. He watched Maggie go about the simple chore and was amazed at the love he felt for her. He kicked himself again for how he had treated her.

Once the coffee was on, Maggie sat down at the table across from Hannibal. She wanted so much to comfort him, but she did not know how. She just hoped Face and B.A. found Murdock soon. 

When Maggie sat down, Hannibal reached across the table and took her hands. "I love you, Maggie. I can't begin to tell you how much I feel like a horse's ass for what I did yesterday."

"It's alright, Hannibal."

"No, sweetheart, it's not. It's not because I have a man out there who was afraid enough of me to run away from the only family he has. And it's not because I hurt you. I don't ever want to make you cry again, Maggie." Hannibal paused, gathering his courage before beginning again. "I'm not real good with words, doc. That's more Faceman's department. But I wrote this last night." Hannibal handed her a single sheet of paper. Maggie carefully unfolded it and read what was written.

FIRST LIGHT

As the sun first shown through the window  
and fell upon your face lying so sweetly on the pillow  
I just watched you, sleeping peacefully,   
and felt such a love for you   
that I did not know how I could contain it.

You looked so innocent, so sweet,  
the woman you are and the girl you were  
joined as one.  
All the sorrows and disappointments of life  
erased from your face.

I wanted to take you in my arms   
and hold you forever, never letting you go.  
I wanted to take everything that was wrong in the world  
and make it right,  
just for you.

In your soft, slumbering face,  
I saw everything that I could ever want.  
Never in my life, did I know there could be a love like this,  
so strong, so right, so true.  
Never in my life before, had I found you.

Maggie felt her eyes fill with tears at the beautiful poem Hannibal had written her. She looked up at him and smiled as the tears ran freely down her face. "That was...that was lovely, Hannibal," she managed to say.

"Never doubt that I love you, Maggie."

"I love you, too, Hannibal."

************************************

"Man, Face, we ain't never gonna find that crazy fool," B.A. said as they combed Cedar Junction for any sign of Murdock.

"Do you want to go back and tell the Colonel we couldn't find him?" Face asked irritably. He thought B.A. just might be right, though, and that scared him badly. "I'm sorry, B.A. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"That's okay. I'm gonna check the road outta town again." B.A. swung the van around and headed out of town, away from Bad Rock. The sun was beginning to set and both men knew they would have to give up the search soon. 

"B.A., stop!" Face called out as they passed a small culvert. B.A. brought the van to a screeching halt and Face jumped out. He quickly made his way down the culvert to an old drainage pipe. He heard B.A. following behind him, but he paid him no mind. His attention was focused on the man crouched down within the pipe. 

"I don't have any money," the man said as Face approached.

"Murdock?" Face called out.

"Faceman? What are you doing here?" Murdock asked withdrawing as far into the pipe as possible.

"Lookin' for you, fool!" B.A. growled as he came up behind Face.

"Please, just go away," Murdock beseeched them.

"Uh uh. No way, Murdock," Face said. 

"Please, Face! I've caused enough problems for everyone. Just go back to Maggie's and tell the Colonel he'll never have to worry about me again."

"Hannibal's the one sent us out here after you, man," B.A. said. "He's worried 'bout you. Wants you to come back to Maggie's."

"He's right, Murdock," Face added, trying to convince his friend. "He knows what happened."

"If he's so worried about me then why isn't he here?" Murdock asked refusing to believe his friends' words.

"He figured you'd take off if you saw it was him come to find you," B.A. answered. "Hank told him you split cause you was scared of him. Cause you was scared of what he was gonna do to you when he found you."

"Did you tell him that, Murdock?" Face asked, hoping the sheriff had been mistaken.

"No! I told him I needed to get out of town before Hannibal got back. I knew that the Colonel would never let me leave and I had to go away so he and Maggie could be happy again," Murdock said. His voice broke as he said the words. It was hard enough leaving them all behind, but having to fight them on it was almost impossible for the pilot.

"Well, Maggie ain't very happy right now, fool," B.A. said. "All she done since you been gone is cry."

"Maggie was upset?" Murdock whispered.

"Look, Murdock," Face began, "Hannibal and Maggie patched things up. But she's REAL upset that you left. Why don't you come back with us and at least talk with her. Then if you still want to go, we won't stop you."

"You speaking for the Colonel now, Faceman?" Murdock retorted.

"If you still want to leave after you talk with them, Hannibal won't stand in your way," Face said sternly. "I won't let him."

"Fine," Murdock relented. "Let's get back and get this over with." He emerged from the pipe then. Face and B.A. gasped when they saw him. One eye was swollen almost completely shut, his nose looked like it had been broken and his bottom lip was split open.

"Who did this?" B.A. demanded.

"I don't know," Murdock replied quietly.

"What happened, Murdock?" Face asked gently.

"There was this girl. These guys were giving her a hard time. You know...trying to rough her up," Murdock said.

"How many were there?" Face asked as he walked up to Murdock to get a better look at the man's injuries.

"Four."

"You hurt anywhere else?" Face asked.

"No. Just sore. They kicked me in the ribs a few times and in the head once I think," Murdock answered.

"Come on, fool," B.A. said as he walked up and took Murdock by the arm. "Let's get you back to Maggie's so she can take a look at you."

"Let's get it over with," Murdock replied as he allowed Face and B.A. to help him up the culvert to where the van waited.

The ride back to Maggie's was silent. Each man was lost in his own thoughts. Face just hoped Hannibal and Murdock could work things out. He had promised the pilot that he would not let the Colonel stop him if he wanted to leave. He prayed he would not have to keep that promise. 

B.A. was worried, too. He knew Hannibal was not going to be happy with the condition Murdock was in. Unlike Face, he had no worries about Murdock and the Colonel working things out. They were a team, after all. They had stuck together for all these years. He could not imagine any of them walking away.

Murdock played the coming scene with Hannibal over in his mind. He hoped Face was right and the Colonel was not still angry with him. He was hurting pretty bad right now and if Hannibal lit into him he would not be able to defend himself. Not that he could ever bring himself to lift a hand to the Colonel, even if he were trying to kill him. He was ashamed of himself for betraying the man's trust, and could not see how Hannibal would ever want anything to do with again. But he knew Face and B.A. were not going to leave it alone. He hoped Face's promise would not cost him his own relationship with Hannibal. 

Maggie and Hannibal heard the van pull up outside and rushed out. They had spent the last several hours worrying whether or not Murdock would be found. 

"Thank God," Maggie said as all three of the van doors opened. Hannibal breathed a sigh of relief and hurried over to greet his wayward pilot. He froze in his tracks as he got a look at Murdock's face. 

"Murdock? What happened, Captain?" Hannibal asked, appalled and guilt- ridden at the same time. Maggie could tell something was wrong, and walked over to see what was wrong. She reached Hannibal's side and got a good look at Murdock for the first time. 

Hank was starting to worry about Murdock, himself. He had thought the others would find him by now. He decided to run by Maggie's and see if they had found out anything yet. He saw the van parked in front and pulled up next to it. Hank felt his anger rise when he saw Murdock. 

"You son-of-a-bitch!" Hank exploded at Hannibal. He quickly covered the ground between himself and the Colonel. Spinning around, Hannibal slammed Hank against the front of the van.

"You think I did this?" Hannibal gritted out.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time, now would it, Smith?" Hank replied.

"You need to get this loud and clear, sheriff, cause I am only gonna say it once," Hannibal said as he fought to control the shaking in his body. "I would NEVER repeat NEVER do that to him or any other member of my team. Murdock is my FRIEND! Yes, I hit him. I hit him once. And it was one of the most wrong things I have ever done." Slowly, Hannibal released his hold on Hank. Hank moved away from the van until he was between Hannibal and Murdock.

"Did he do this, Murdock?" Hank asked carefully.

"Hannibal didn't do this, Hank. I got in a fight with some of the locals in Cedar Junction. The Colonel had nothing to do with it," Murdock said.

"Yes, I did, Murdock," Hannibal said from behind Hank. "It was my fault you were there in the first place. I'm sorry, Captain."

"Don't be, Colonel," Murdock replied. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I betrayed your trust, sir."

"Look," Maggie broke in, "let's get inside so I can take a look at Murdock. Then we can all have a nice long talk."

"Sure, doc," Murdock said with a note of resignation. Without another word he walked past the others and into the house. The others looked at one another worriedly before following the Captain inside.

Murdock walked straight to Maggie's examination room. He climbed up onto the table without a word and waited for the others to arrive. He was more than surprised when Maggie alone walked in and closed the door behind her. 

"Now let's get a look at you," she said as cheerily as she could. She could tell Murdock was in pain, but she could also tell he was scared. The last thing she wanted to do was add any more stress to the situation.

"Shouldn't the Colonel be here?" Murdock asked as he looked around nervously. 

"No," Maggie said firmly. "I'm a doctor, Murdock. And right now, I'm your doctor. All I want to do is check out those bruises on your face and any others you might have."

"I… I don't think… think that's such a good idea, Doc," he said. He pulled off his cap and began twisting it in his hands. He was almost vibrating with tension. 

"Murdock, would you like one of the others here with you while I examine you?" she asked softly, hoping to ease some of fear.

"Could… um… could Faceman be in here?" he asked, his voice soft and hesitant. "He won't get in the way. He…"

"Of course," Maggie said, cutting him off. 

Murdock let out a sigh of relief as she opened the door and called Face inside. Face looked confused for a moment, but when he took in Murdock's slightly trembling form, he understood. Mutely, he moved to his friend's side and laid a hand on the Captain's shoulder. Murdock looked up at him and smiled for a moment before turning his attention back to Maggie. Face squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and moved back to let the doctor work.

"Let start with your face," Maggie said soothingly. She made sure to make all her movement slow and deliberate. Her patient was spooked enough without her making it any worse. 

She treated his face, which thankfully, did not need any stitches. He would be sore for a few days, but he would heal. He was lucky he didn't have a concussion from the blow to the head, but if there was one thing Murdock was, it was hardheaded.

Murdock began to shake again when Maggie asked him to remove his shirt, but a reassuring whisper from Face calmed him almost immediately. The Lieutenant even helped him remove the garment when Murdock's own stiff back refused to comply.

Maggie gasped when the man's shirt was finally removed. His entire torso was littered with dark bruises. As gently as she could, she began to check his injuries. She saved his ribs for last, sure she would find some broken, but Murdock surprised her again. She thought there might be a crack or two, but there were no breaks. She let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. 

They wrapped his ribs, just to be safe. While Face helped Murdock back into his shirt, Maggie prepared two syringes - a painkiller and a muscle relaxant. She didn't know how Murdock had remained silent during the exam but he had to be in pain. 

"Are those gonna knock me out, Doc?" Murdock asked softly.

"They will make you tired, yes," Maggie replied.

"Then why don't you hold off for a bit," he said. "The Colonel and I need to have a talk and I don't need to be doped to the gills for it."

"Murdock, I know you're in pain…" Maggie began only to have the pilot cut her off.

"I been in pain before. Hell of a lot more than this. I'll keep."

"I'm sure Hannibal wouldn't mind waiting until tomorrow to talk," Maggie argued.

"Yeah, well I would," Murdock countered. "I'm sorry, Maggie, but I really need to get this over with. If I'm still here when it's all said and done, you can give me whatever you think best."

Maggie started to reply, but a glance from Face stopped her. It was obvious Murdock thought the coming confrontation with Hannibal would not go well. She prayed he could find the right words to get through to this man.

"All right, Murdock," she said.

"Thanks, Doc," he smiled as he slowly got off the table. "And for what it's worth, I appreciate everything you've done for me."

************************************

Out in Maggie's living room, Hannibal was pacing. The longer it took for Maggie to examine Murdock, the tenser Hannibal became. He kept running his earlier confrontation with Murdock over in his mind. What the hell was he thinking!! Murdock would never betray him like that. And did he have that little faith in Maggie to think that she would cheat on him? He had been a complete ass and it had gotten one of his men hurt. He knew in his heart he would live with that shame until the day he died. 

When the door to the exam room finally opened Hannibal froze. B.A. stood up when Murdock and Face emerged. He thought Crazy Man looked like he was on his way to his own execution. Faceman didn't look much better. Hannibal took a step toward Murdock, but Face moved in front of him. 

"Face?" Hannibal said in confusion.

"I just wanted you to know, Colonel… I promised him, if he still wanted to leave after he talked with you, that you wouldn't stand in his way," Face said, surprised he got it out without choking.

"I understand, Lieutenant," the Colonel replied. His heart twisted at the words his Lieutenant had just spoken. At the same time he was proud of Face for being willing to stand up to even him to protect Murdock.

"Face, why don't you and B.A. go and work on the van or something," Murdock said from behind him. "The Colonel and I need to talk."

"If you need us, we won't be far," Face said as he and B.A. walked outside, leaving the two men alone.

The two men stood there in painful silence. Neither of them knew what to say to bridge the gap that now yawned between them. It was Hannibal that spoke first, unable to remain quiet any longer.

"Why don't we sit down, Captain?" he suggested.

"Yes, Sir," Murdock replied. He waited until Hannibal sat down on the sofa before carefully lowering himself into the nearest chair.

"Are you hurt bad?" the Colonel asked, noticing how cautiously the other man moved.

"Just banged up a bit, Sir," Murdock replied. "Doc thinks I may have a cracked rib or two, but nothing's broken."

"She give you anything?" Hannibal asked, perhaps now was not the best time for this.

"No, Sir," Murdock said. "She wanted to, but… but I need a clear head right now."

"Murdock, we can wait till morning if you'd like," Hannibal offered, concerned. He didn't want the other man sitting there in pain just to talk to him.

"No," Murdock said softly. "It's for the best if we do this now. There's no need to drag it out."

"Alright," Hannibal said with a sigh. "There are some things I need to say to you and I want you to just sit there and listen to me. Can you do that for me, Captain?"

"Yes, Sir," Murdock replied. After all the trouble he had caused, listening to Hannibal ream him out was the least he could do. He steeled himself for the words to come, knowing they would hurt more than any fists ever could.

Hannibal had not missed the fact that Murdock only addressed him as "Sir". It hurt, but he had brought it on himself. He only hoped he could repair the damage he had done. Taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am that I hit you. It was one of the worst things I've ever done. I was angry. No, that's not true. I was scared. I was scared shitless I had lost her. I mean, come on, what does an old reprobate like me have to offer a beautiful woman like Maggie. I was scared my worst nightmare had come true and there was nothing I could do about it."

"Han… Hannibal…" Murdock stammered. He was stunned. This was NOT what he had expected to hear. 

"Murdock, we're a family. And like it or not, we're all we have," Hannibal said softly.

"But… I…"

"You what?" Hannibal asked gently. "You let the touch of a beautiful woman affect you? We've all done that at one time or another."

"But… it's not right!" Murdock exclaimed suddenly as he jumped from the chair. Hannibal was at his side in an instant, easing him back into his seat mindful of the cracked ribs he might be sporting. He knelt down beside the other man's chair and looked into his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Captain," the Colonel said resolutely. "It could have just as easily happened with Face. Hell, I'm surprised it never has happened with Face."

Hannibal stopped talking then and looked at his pilot. He could see the doubt in the man's eyes, but had no idea how to fix it. As the silence wore on, he tried one last time to reach his friend.

"I don't know what to say to fix this, Murdock," he admitted softly. "I'm sorry I hit you. I'm even more sorry that my words and actions led you to feel you had to leave us. And that leaving us got you hurt. Those men could have killed you and it would have been my fault. All I can offer you is the truth. I don't want you to go. You're a part of this team and we need you. I guess the rest is up to you, Captain. If you still want to leave, I won't stand in your way."

With those final words, Hannibal stood. Murdock was not aware the man had walked away until Maggie appeared at his side, syringes in hand. He looked around the room for Hannibal but couldn't find him anywhere.

"He went for a walk," Maggie said. "Now let's get you taken care of so you can get a good night's sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

"No," Murdock said as Maggie began to prep his arm for the injection. "I'd… I'd like to think for a while, Doc."

"Murdock…" Maggie began.

"It doesn't hurt that bad. Really," he lied. "I'd just like to sit outside for a bit. Okay?"

"Okay," she reluctantly agreed. "I'll be here if you need me."

"Thanks," the pilot replied as he got to his feet and walked outside. Only when the door was closed behind him did he let out the groan of pain he had hidden. He hurt more than he wanted to admit, but he needed to think and he needed what few wits he had left to do it.

************************************

When Face and B.A. came in from working on the van a few hours later, Murdock was still on the porch. His hat was in his hands again and the man had a far away look in his eyes. 

"Hey, Murdock, how's it going?" Face asked, his voice neutral. 

"I'm okay, Faceman," Murdock replied absently. "Just doing some thinking is all."

"You get everything squared away with the Colonel?" B.A. asked, no longer able to contain himself. 

"We… talked…" Murdock replied, non-commitally. "I just need to think some more."

"Okay, Murdock," Face said with a smile. "We'll be inside if you need us."

"I'll always need you, Facey," Murdock said.

"You want us to sit out here with you?" B.A. asked, eager to give his little brother whatever help he needed.

"Nah. That's okay, Big Guy. I'm fine. Just got a head full of thoughts that need to get thunked. You guys go on inside. I'll be in in a bit."

"All right, but you call us if you need anything," Face instructed.

"Will do," Murdock replied cheerfully. He let his smile linger until the door closed behind them, then his face slipped back into the neutral mask he had been wearing all morning. 

He thought about what it would be like never to see the guys again. What would it be like never to see the Big Guy again? Or what about Faceman? He didn't know if he could take not seeing Face ever again. The kid had gotten under his skin and had gotten him through the worst times of his life. Sometimes the only thing keeping him even marginally tethered to sanity was the team. How many times had he called Face in the middle of the night because the shadows were closing in on him? And that time he was sick and had that high fever, hadn't Hannibal been the one to sneak into the VA and sit by his bed? 

Memories ran through his mind as he thought about Hannibal's words. It was hard to imagine the Colonel afraid of anything, let alone losing Maggie. Couldn't the man see that she adored him? But for all that Hannibal could give her, there was one thing he could not - a normal life. Could that be what the Colonel was afraid of? That Maggie would get tired of waiting and find a nice normal guy to settle down with?

The Colonel had said they were a family. Not your average family, sure, but still a family. And families fought, he knew that. But you didn't run out on your family. You didn't run away from them. You might get mad, but you forgave them. You put up with Crazy Uncle Harry. You might bitch and moan about him, sure, but God forbid if some well meaning person suggests you put him in a home. No way. That's Uncle Harry, and so what if he is crazy. We still love him. We still need him. We still want him. So thank you very much, but no. He stays with us. Because he's one of us. Quirks and all.

Murdock sat on the porch the rest of the day. His friends checked on him every hour or so. He knew each time they did and it made him smile. He had made up his mind hours ago, but he wanted to watch the sun set and think some more of his thoughts. And it was nice to know they cared. 

************************************

"Don't you think it's time to come inside now, Captain?" Hannibal asked quietly, not wanting to startle the man. He could tell Murdock was still deep in thought, but it was after sunset and the temperature was dropping. Besides that, the pilot had not eaten all day. Enough was enough.

"As a matter of fact, Hannibal, I do," Murdock replied with a smile. "But I'm not sure I can get up from this chair right now."

"Let me help you," he said as he reached down to help the Captain to his feet.

"Always," Murdock whispered softly. "Always."

Hannibal knew then that everything would be all right. It would take a while for the two of them to completely bridge the gap, but they were a family. And they always would be.

End.


End file.
